Feels Like Loneliness

The main hook of one of my favorite Sabrina Carpenter songs is, “Love feels like loneliness sometimes.”

But what do you do when, to you, love feels like loneliness for a lot of the time? The simplest words or the clearest picture can send you down an internal death spiral. You’re left wondering why you can’t just freaking trust people not to make you feel like that, even though you know why. (Spoiler alert: It’s because they’ve hurt you in the past, or you’ve been hurt in the past. Tip: Stop blaming yourself for the traumatic life experiences that you couldn’t control.)

To be honest, I don’t have the answer. I’m not writing this because I realized something or learned something new or just spent a lot of time thinking about something. But —

If you have ever stood in the middle of a group of people and felt alone. If you have ever experienced something that had nothing to do with you and you took it so personally. If you have ever felt the need to pull away from someone, someone you love a lot, because you felt even the tiniest bit of judgement or hurt.

I have felt that too, and I understand. I understand with an understanding that makes my eyes tear up because I know those feelings so well and I remember them so vividly. And trust me, those feelings still happen. They will until the right people come into my life.

Everyone’s different, and some people aren’t like me. Some people don’t love others unconditionally, some aren’t as sensitive. But I can tell you that if you are like me, you can’t give up. You can’t stop loving people like you have nothing to lose. Because someday you will find people who don’t make you feel like that. And love won’t feel like loneliness anymore.

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